either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize