There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
