My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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