this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
