i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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