thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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