Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I said "one day" and that day is not today
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
