Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
