he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize