At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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