no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
The beer is more important than you right now.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
