so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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