Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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