How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
