I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
