I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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