she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
