she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
