I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
