i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
