whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
