so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
