my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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