We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
