Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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