We're like a lot better than the average bears
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
