You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
