I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
