i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
