I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
