This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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