im six kinds of drunk right now
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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