this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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