Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
