hell yes lets make some ravioli
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
