Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
