I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i will never coherently bang her
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
being pregnant is like rehab
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
