Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
