This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
