No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
