It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
