I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
