you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
