Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
BRING THE BAGELS
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
