if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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