Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
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