Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Did you pee in the oven last night??
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
