Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
