So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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