You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize