Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
