just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
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