Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
