when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
