Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
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When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
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theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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