You're a womanizer and a bitch.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
