im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
