I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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