it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
my sisters under your porch take her home
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
it glows. i had to have it.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Randomize
