just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
