I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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