I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
