You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
